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Attack my faithful Bunny-men! - Ed Brock

They came at us in wave after wave, leaping 10, 15 feet into the air, their noses quivering with bloodlust.

It was the Chinese Bunny-men!

The scientists at Shanghai Second Medical University tried to pass it all off as a harmless experiment in therapeutic cloning, an attempt to grow human stem cells using the egg of a rabbit containing 95 percent human DNA. The embryos were supposedly destroyed to harvest their precious innards, and most were.

Most, but not all.

The rest were spirited away by the minions of the world's last Communist superpower to a secret mountain laboratory to be brought to term. Teams of Chinese scientists dressed in spotless white lab coats and labored behind innumerable shiny, sterile instruments and devices.

And from time to time they burst out in laughter at the wicked deviousness of their work.

"A-ha,ha, a-ha, a-ha, ha, ha, ha, HA, HA," they laughed, in Chinese of course.

When they were born, the first Bunny-men looked mostly human, with the exception of the odd whisker or two and just slightly longer-than-normal ears. But they had all the super powers of their animal brethren (and sister-rens, of course).

They could leap huge distances. They could hear a pin drop in a soundproof studio two blocks away, even when they were wearing headphones. They "did their business" in the form of small, odorless pellets.

And then there were those two HUGE front incisors.

Intense training made them into vicious killers.

Wouldn't you be angry if all you had to eat was carrots and lettuce? Wouldn't you be HUNGRY?!

And then those dirty Commies turned their creation lose, taking Taiwan in a day and leaping (pun intended) on to Japan and the South Pacific.

Wherever they went they sang their battle song, which translated from the national language of China goes something like this.

"Here comes Peter Cotton Tail, hopping down the bunny trail. Hippity, hoppity, DEATH is on its way for evil imperialist dogs!"

They were unstoppable in battle, until good ol' American know-how led to the discovery of our own secret weapon.

It wasn't a virus, it wasn't rat poison.

It was the Elmer Fuddians.

Stuttering with their hatred for the Bunny-men, this elite cadre of troops were known for their dogged persistence in hunting the Bunny-men down and blasting them. Sure, they sometimes didn't recognize the Bunny-men when their enemy dressed up in different clothes and pretended to be somebody else while they were really slipping a stick of dynamite down the Elmer Fuddians' pants, but that was a minor glitch.

Soon we had pushed back the Red Menace to where they came from and replanted the Stars and Stripes in Asia where it belonged!

And to this day little children who are too young to remember the Bunny-man Wars still chant the Elmer Fuddian war cry.

"Th-th-th-th-that's all, f-f-f-f-folks!"

Ed Brock covers public safety and municipalities for the News Daily. He may be reached at (770) 478-5753 ext. 254 or via e-mail at ebrock@news-daily.com.