I hear that Saddam Hussein has shaved his head, taken to carrying a fuzzy white cat with him wherever he goes and has taken up residence in an underground lair in an extinct volcano.
For yes, he is an evil genius.
As the great and powerful "Dubyah" Bush begins to wish more and more that he'd never uttered the phrase "Weapons of Mass Destruction" in whipping up the ol' war frenzy, Saddam is undoubtedly enjoying the fruits of his "defeat."
Much as I expected long ago, Hussein destroyed whatever WMDs he did possess before our invasion. At least I'm thinking that's what happened, since one of Saddam's people said it did and because we can't seem to find any over there even though I'm sure he used to have them.
Thus, seeing that said WMDs would be far more destructive to George Bush if they were non-existent, Hussein burned, buried or broke them before departing with billions of dollars. Apparently that was a masterstroke.
This apparent lack of proof that Saddam ever had WMDs, combined with the debacle over that bad info from British intelligence about Saddam's supposed attempt to buy uranium from an African country, is slowly causing the dissent Hussein desired. Meanwhile, the hundreds of criminals he released before the war and some of his Ba'thist henchmen keep picking off our lads and ladies over there, increasing the political pressure to get us out.
Now it's just a matter of waiting for our own vaunted democratic process to kick in. So long as the economy continues to stagger, if Bush's victory in Iraq continues to sour into defeat he will most likely be voted out of office.
And if Saddam can just hold out in that hidden lair of his (probably more like a dingy apartment or two in Tikrit) when we eventually withdraw, he can then work to destabilize the government we put into effect there or use the very system we establish to have himself "voted" back into office.
But what really gives this bad-boy peasant from Talfah (where Saddam may have committed his first murders) evil genius status is that he apparently defeated James Bond. See him there with MI-5's top agent, dangling him over a fiery pit filled with monstrous portent and telling him "Now you will never be able to reveal my plans to buy uranium from Niger."
And then he allows our hero to escape at the cost of one or two evil henchmen so he can bring back that false report to Q or Z or, hey, maybe even W himself!
And then he laughs a wicked laugh, waah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Of course, we fell for it. We fell for all of it, or should I say Bush fell for it. He allowed himself to believe it because it gave him an excuse to put "nuclear" (or should I say "nuculer") and "Saddam Hussein" together in a major public address.
So Bush got what he wished for, and now, like so many other wishes, it may cost him everything.
Ed Brock covers public safety and municipalities for the News Daily. He may be reached at (770) 478-5753 ext. 254 or via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.