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A cure for America's ailments - R.H. Joseph

Offended that some readers perceive me to be politically biased, I'm writing this column to aid Republicans.

Amidst all the flack generated by Richard Clarke's book and testimony many have lost sight of who Bush is and whom he represents. I contend Bush, a true representative of America's fundamentalists, had no choice but to focus on Iraq rather than the Islamic fundamentalists of al-Qaida.

The dualism inherent in fundamentalism (the religious orientation of the fundamentalist is irrelevant n don't start whining that I'm anti-Christian) necessitates an object of hatred: someone or something the chosen group can be different than or better than.

In the region relied upon by the Republican Party for staunch support, the Bible Belt, American fundamentalist hatred has at one time or another become singularly focused upon blacks, Roman Catholics, Jews, Communists, Bill Clinton, fluoridated water, Earl Warren, and the United Nations.

Why should anyone have expected their favorite son, Bush, to behave otherwise? The nature of dualism precludes ideological complexity.

There is no "big picture" for those such as Bush: "You're either with us or against us." Viva el Presidente!

Al Qaida lacks constitutional specificity and it is difficult for uncomplicated people n and Bush is as uncomplicated as they come n to hate anything so nebulous.

Therefore, notwithstanding the vast oil reserves, Bush attacked Iraq because he could find it on a map, he was furious and it is the nature of the primitive to strike out irrationally.

Cathartic emotionalism brings relief to the uncomplicated. The logically determined strategies of another despised group, intellectuals, provide no such succor. It is, as one might expect, an instant-gratification issue.

Attacking Iraq made the Bush league feel better. That is the function of a scapegoat.

Because I understand this and to prove my political impartiality I offer a suggestion intended to draw well-deserved heat away from our president.

Aside from the intransigent diehards whose commitment to Bush is faith based rather than ideological, conservative Americans are beginning to question the veracity of the Commander-in-Chief. In order for Republicans to win the presidential election this wavering constituency must be refocused upon a common cause, a common hatred, and the only way to accomplish this is to offer a scapegoat.

To this end and considering the timely appearance of Mel Gibson's film I suggest Republican leadership emphasize the mounting threat to mom, the flag, and apple pie by leftist homosexual Jewish evolution teachers seeking marriage licenses.

Consider how well any and all of the following will play on radio talk shows popular with the rabble:

It is because of leftist homosexual Jewish evolution teachers seeking marriage licenses that women consider themselves entitled to freedom of choice.

It is because of leftist homosexual Jewish evolution teachers seeking marriage licenses that we have become dependent upon foreign oil.

It is because of leftist homosexual Jewish evolution teachers seeking marriage licenses that other countries fail to acknowledge the superiority of American culture and the American political agenda.

And it is because of leftist homosexual Jewish evolution teachers seeking marriage licenses that the majority of citizens throughout the world and across the religious spectrum perceive fundamentalists for what they are rather than what they imagine themselves to be.

If we can rid America of leftist homosexual Jewish evolution teachers seeking marriage licenses American women will see the folly of making decisions for and about themselves.

Similarly, freed of these godless Commie deviants America will cease to be dependent upon foreign oil because the Bush league will quickly "liberate" all the countries possessing petroleum reserves. If the country becomes ours the oil ain't foreign. Simple!

I confess I'm somewhat confused about the superiority of our cultural values and capitalism. Regarding the latter, why is it the same blue collar conservatives who touted capitalism as superior to Communism are now complaining that in order to make the most money capitalists are only hiring Third World workers in our country or sending the jobs to the Third World itself?

They are also complaining that giant money-making superstores are destroying all the mom-and-pop establishments.

No doubt, if we get rid of leftist homosexual Jewish evolution teachers seeking marriage licenses capitalism will be good again too.

R.H. Joseph is a longtime employee of the News Daily. His column appears on Wednesdays. He may be reached at (770) 478-5753, ext. 252, or by e-mail at rjoseph@news-daily.com.