Contents of this column should be sealed under pressurized gas until the point at which our space program makes extra-planetary colonization possible.
Bouncing to a stop on the surface of Mars the rover opened its eyes and showed the world images that had only previously been created with computer models. It also rekindled an interest in space exploration for most of us, and a stern questioning of government spending for others.
NASA posted a very high-resolution version of the famous new photo on its Web site but had to pull it down when overwhelming demand bogged down servers. People all over the world are talking about outer space and the possibility of life on other planets.
Bush is kicking in the Mars project's afterburners and firing up excitement for the space program. The buzz is that he wants to build a base on the moon that would be used to put a man on Mars within 20 years. All of this is fantastically exciting and has caused opinions to froth over about ethics of the new space and spending.
Some day, long after we all have died, humans will live on another planet or in some type of space station. Science will progress and new civilizations will form. The following is a response to what I am sure will arise as a major political issue at that time.
A spokesman for NASA announced today that the first mass transport units would begin taking volunteer citizens to the surface of Mars. Testing has been completed on the 350-year project to control the climate and produce livable conditions on the once red planet.
Only legal U.S. citizens can check in with a valid passport after a seven-day waiting period for their ride to the new planet's surface. Hotels are operational for those who haven't yet made more permanent living arrangements.
Our government's decision to allow only those born on U.S. soil access to the new planet has caused an expected stir in international politics. The United Nations Illuminati is demanding that representatives from every country on the globe be allowed to go and colonize our new world.
To this we let echo a resounding "NO!" so loud that from space, they can indeed, hear us scream.
For hundreds of years the United States had been forced to parry the rancor of extremist Muslims and baby-sit their interaction with others in the Middle East. China has more weapons and potential soldiers than rice and eyes Japan with an increasing zest. Most of Europe has chosen to render itself irrelevant to international trade and has slipped into a modified feudal system as a result of their isolationist attitude of self-importance.
A new planet is exactly what America needs, and guaranteeing its integrity and prosperity is essential to ensure the continuation of the human race. When we are all gone the rest of Earth will undoubtedly slip into a global power grab and religious terror groups will again target highly militarized nations. Ya'll have fun; we'll catch it on the Interplanetary News Network.
Background checks are being conducted with an unprecedented level of detail but the new world will not be without problems. People will still steal from each other and there will be domestic violence and the extreme measure of murder. This happens naturally.
Why should we bow to the pressure of taking representatives from nations where this sentiment is applied to our country on a regular basis, whether latent or manifest?
We cannot allow passage by way of our backbreaking innovation to dictators, terrorists and uncivilized nations who would counter the efforts of what can be best accomplished by starting anew.
Oh yes. This column will someday run in every newspaper across the country in one form or another. When the walls are crashing down and our only hope is to climb out of the rubble that topples in upon us, words like these will ignite the spirit of our fellow countrymen. I have seen the future. You can tell your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson you read it here first.
Rob Felt is the photographer for the Daily Herald. He can be reached at (770) 957-9161 or via e-mail at email@example.com.