I've heard the first step to recovery is admitting you have an addiction, and I've realized over the past two months that I've hit rock bottom.
Every Sunday since I was a kid, there's been only one thing on my mind. All day long, I eagerly wait for 8 p.m., when I flip on the TV and keep my fingers crossed that a new episode of "The Simpsons" is coming my way.
Since I moved to Georgia two months ago from my native North Carolina, I haven't had cable (I'm trying to save money and cut down on my time in front of the "idiot box"). Soon after I got here, though, I realized there was a slight complication.
I can't pick up "The Simpsons" during the week with my measly rabbit ear antennas. I was heartbroken. I'll only be able to get my fix once a week (if the Fox network is feeling merciful and wants to air a new episode on Sunday).
"How can you miss a cartoon so much?" you might ask. But "The Simpsons" is much more than a cartoon. Having been around for 14 years, it's become a cultural icon. It is consistently one of the country's highest rated shows.
Many people my age grew up on the show. All the kids from my neighborhood used to come over just as the show was coming on every night.
When I was a kid, Bart Simpson was my hero. I had a "Bartman" video game, a baseball cap, and big poster on my wall. "Eat My Shorts" was my life motto.
The young underachiever was scandalous when the show first aired, but was soon put to shame by much more heinous cartoon characters.
As I got older, I began to better appreciate the antics of Homer Simpson, television's funniest cartoon character. Every season, the family never aged, but it seemed like Homer grew dumber every season.
When I got to college, my addiction got worse, consuming more of my time. My friends knew I'd be in my room at 7 p.m., and they'd stop by to watch the show. All my plans for the evening usually revolved around quality time with America's favorite cartoon family.
But, alas, I knew it was too good to be true. It had to come to an end some time. Maybe I'll learn to live with weekly doses of the Simpsons? or maybe I'll break down and call the cable company.
I don't know how much longer I can last. I don't think I have the willpower for this.
Billy Corriher covers government and politics for the News Daily and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or at (770) 478-5753 Ext. 281.