I've been such a fool. For so long, I've been going to doctors whenever I needed medical attention. Why should I trust the advice of a guy just because he went to some medical school?
There's a much simpler way.
I've uncovered the secret to easily curing virtually any medical ailment. This panacea is waiting for me in my Hotmail inbox every morning.
Spam email tells me where I can get medical marvels like vaccines for terminal diseases or, even better, discount Viagra.
I don't know who's sending me this stuff, but if I need a cure for nail fungus, it's just a mouse-click away. Luckily I don't need any now, but the doctor in that picture just looks so concerned about the health of my cuticles, I may get some just in case.
God bless you spammers.
But the generosity doesn't stop there. In case I don't want to wait for UPS to bring the spammers' drugs to my apartment, I can just become a doctor myself.
That's right, my inbox tells me I can get any post-graduate degree if I just give the spammer a call. The email doesn't refer to any specific school or have a link to their Web site, but my gut tells me they're probably legit.
The best part of the doctorate degree my inbox is offering is there are no classes or exams required. Who knew becoming a doctor was so easy? Those spammers just keep on giving.
I'd better hurry up and act on this offer before everyone else in America jumps at the chance to get their own doctorate degree.
Then again, some people would probably have just deleted that email. Fools!
I can't fathom why anyone would want to block spam emails. If it weren't for "unwanted email," I may have never had the opportunity to earn a doctorate degree and practice medicine.
It's a good thing the spammers found a way to get around that evil anti-spam law passed a few months ago. Maybe they're just ignoring the law altogether. Way to go guys! Fight the man!
Now I hear there's a bunch of Internet Service Providers suing the companies that are trying to let us in on these great offers. Why does Bill Gates want to keep me away from my beloved spam?
I think I'm going to write my congressman to see if he can do anything about this. Free the spammers!
Billy Corriher covers politics and government for the News Daily. He can be reached at email@example.com or (770) 478-5753 Ext. 281.