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Visions of death by SUV - Greg Gelpi

Back in college, one of the passing fads was a series of Internet quizzes, one of which classified people into types of dog breeds. Through a series of psychological questions, the quiz identified characteristics in a person and matched them with a breed of dog with similar traits.

I'm not a dog person, so I would put a twist on that psychological profile and match a person's personality with a vehicle.

My compact car complements my compact personality, and the rotund size of civilian tanks, also known as sports utility vehicles, goes well with their corresponding drivers.

Not only are there similarities, but people and their vehicles tend to become one in many instances.

I'm not Nostradamus and I don't operate 1-900-Dial-a-Psychic, but if I die from unnatural causes I predict it will be the result of an SUV.

Just a mere bump in the road en route to another gas station, sports utility vehicles the size of my apartment barrel down turning lanes without even a thought of turning and turn left sharply from the right most lane.

With barely a jolt of the shocks, an SUV is destined to steamroll my compact car without so much as a look in the rearview mirror out of concern.

Admittedly, vehicles with tires up to the hood of my car and with as much metal as the Titanic are quite safe. The only caveat to that statement, though, is that they are safe for those in the whale of a vehicle, while increasing the danger to those around them.

During the Cold War, nations stockpiled countless nuclear weapons, knowing that a few would accomplish the task of leveling the earth numerous times over, yet they continued in what seemed to be a never ending race.

Nowadays, individuals are in their own race on the same course for mutual destruction on a smaller scale.

In an effort to keep up with the Jones, the Smiths are purchasing the newer bulkier civilian tank so they can continue to be safe from what had been considered to be a big vehicle.

Looking back into my plastic crystal ball, four-lane roads will become three lanes and three-lane roads will become two. Lanes will increase in size to accommodate larger and larger SUVs.

Jerking the steering wheel and swerving on to the shoulder to avoid a vehicle running a light, switching lanes without signaling or generally hogging the road without a care in the world, the SUV is a whopping monster of a heap of metal.

Whether certain personalities prefer super-sized vehicles or these vehicles corrupt their drivers, I'm not sure. Regardless, the two share common traits.

Obviously, there are exceptions to every rule, and every rule is made to be broken. In general, though, the vehicles recklessly crossing my path and aiming straight for my car are SUVS.

Greg Gelpi covers education for the News Daily. He can be reached at ggelpi@news-daily.com or (770) 478-5753 Ext. 247.