I think I've come up with a new joke, but I need some help with the punchline.
It would go something like this.
"A minister decided to hold a picnic for his congregation, but he isn't sure where he wants to hold the event. So, in keeping with his profession, he loads the church members into a bus and addresses them thusly.
?Friends, Jesus is the shepherd and we are his flock. Can I get an amen?'
?Amen, reverend!' the congregation replies.
?So I've decided to trust in the Lord today. We are going to drive down this road until His hand directs us to the most beautiful spot for our picnic. Are you with me? Can I have an amen?'
?Amen, reverend. The Lord will find us a fine place for our picnic, we're sure.'
So off they go. Having set out early in the morning on a mid-summer day, after two hours of driving the sun is out and the un-air-conditioned bus is getting a bit stuffy. The good women of the church took out their fans and the good men patted their foreheads with their handkerchiefs, but they had faith and they didn't complain. The minister kept looking but all around them was nothing but bramble-choked woods and swampland, but he had faith, too, so they drove on.
But after three hours of driving the minister decided he would have a rebellion on his hands if God didn't show him the way soon, so he prayed very hard. Suddenly, they rounded a corner and before them lay a verdant pasture, thick with wild flowers of every kind. Saying a prayer of thanks, they stop the bus and filed out, the minister in the lead.
But while the field was beautiful the sun was still hot, but the minister swore he could here the sound of a babbling brook coming from a stand of shade trees on the other side of the field.
Filled with zeal, and considerably younger than most of the faithful in his flock, the minister sprinted out ahead of the group and was soon among the trees. He found there the peaceful, gurgling brook that he had heard, and he thanked the Lord and, in a fit of enthusiasm, tossed his straw hat into the air.
The hat struck a beehive in the tree overhead and the yellow and black denizens within spilled out in swirling, angry cloud. They fell upon the unfortunate minister and ran back out into the pasture.
As he ran he saw the congregation coming nearer, so he shouted to two old maids, both well into their 70s and yet spry enough to be ahead of the others, a warning that they should go back to the bus.
?Get the flock out of here!' he shouted.
Hearing this, one of the old maids turns to the others and says ?"
Now, the obvious line would be something like "Well, if he didn't want us to come he could just say so. There's no call for such foul language."
But, as stated, that would be obvious, so I need something more original. Now, I know the whole "Make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here," but this is a variation on that, and one that is long enough to pass as my weekly column since I don't feel like writing something with real content.
So send in those punchlines to the e-mail below, but remember, there are no cash prizes for this. The person with the best punchline gets a free paperclip and their name in the paper.
Can I get an amen?
Ed Brock covers public safety and municipalities for the News Daily. He can be reached by calling (770) 478-5753 ext. 254 or at firstname.lastname@example.org.