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Presidential election column mad lib - Rob Felt

Tired of reading the opinions of some columnist you don't agree with? Then use this handy mad lib and rant up your very own partisan diatribe!

How does it work, you ask? It's based on the simple principal that a successful election time opinion column has very little to do with quality writing and the art of logic. You're preaching to the converted here, so a rubber stamp clich? including a few bits of your own two cents is just what the doctor ordered.

Just fill in the blanks with the appropriate info and you've got your very own column. Why not fill it out and send it to a newspaper editor, or call a talk radio show and read it aloud? Whatever you do, remember this: punditry should be fun! Here we go ?

Well, well, well. It seems as though [bad candidate] has taken yet another opportunity to open his lying mouth and insert his swing-state-treading foot. When will [bad candidate] learn that the American people want and deserve a leader that speaks the truth?

It's bad enough that we have to wade through biased news from [the liberal media/FOX News and talk radio] without having [bad candidate] create his own distortions of [good candidate's] record.

Sure, [bad candidate] can ignore any criticism from [highly partisan special interest group's] ads, but when it comes to [opposing special interest group] he's all ears. Talk about hypocrisy!

Undecided voters who seek the truth can barely hear the candidates over the sound of [liberal Hollywood lectures/country music nationalism] because their voices have been given undue influence. Most Americans don't even like their [movies/songs] and the ones that do think they should just shut up and be entertainers.

With the support of ["retired" politician and party cheerleader] the tide is slowly turning, and [key issue] is coming back into focus. This election is monumentally important, because [bad candidate] has proven that he isn't capable of properly handling [key issue] in a way that's consistent with what Americans want.

So [good candidate] [was/wasn't] in office on Sept. 11, and his critics have used this to rail against his positions on foreign policy and question his leadership ability. Do they forget that [bad candidate] voted [double-digit number] times against [incorrectly interpreted piece of legislation] which ended up costing taxpayers millions of dollars and continues to threaten our national security?

With several Supreme Court Justice retirements possible during this term, we also cannot let [faith-related social issue] go ignored. [Good candidate] understands the emotions of a complex American landscape and will appoint someone with [progressive/conservative] values. [Bad candidate] is so far to the [left/right] that he is out of touch with what most people truly believe.

The poll numbers may be close, but when voters step into that booth on Tuesday, I'm sure they'll remember when [bad candidate] said [grossly misinterpreted quote] and proved to all the harshest critics that their attacks were valid.

Rob Felt is the photographer for the Daily Herald. He can be reached at (770) 957-9161 or .