The wrap, with all its low-carb salads, humus, sprouts, and grilled chicken, is one of the final restraints that holds back this country from descending into complete and true depravity.
Most of this nation hovers just above the horrifying realization that it actually consists of weak, self-indulgent cretins, motivated by a base need for deep-fried foods. And the wrap is what they cling to.
Seemingly, every fast food restaurant has one nowadays. Ever since Atkins took off, people couldn't get enough of the tortilla.
Once relegated to the dingy confines of a Mexican restaurant, the tortilla transformed overnight. A renaissance occurred. It ascended
from the gritty purpose of holding in refried beans and greasy meat to the demure position of containing verdant lettuces, plush tomatoes and crumbly cheeses.
Never again would people think of it as a small part of rarely sought ethnic dishes. It had been thrust into popular culture and now, was for everyone. Obese people, fast-food fanatics, health nuts, carb-counters, and especially those desperate for the appearance of a well-balanced diet found a convergent point where there was only division before.
The wrap provided much for this country. It has expanded tremendously the menus of dozens of restaurants and provided fascinating alternatives to white bread. The net effect was an economic engine for struggling fast-food chains and a source for insatiable creativity in delicatessens.
But the sad truth about this apparent revitalization is that all it really provided, and still provides, is an illusion.
Face it, the wrap is nothing more than a sandwich or a salad wrapped in tortilla. I mean, why not just eat the salad? Why stick it in a tortilla?
And all those trendy and beaming menu sections, aimed at health and well-being, are nothing more but the same menu items that always existed before. They are just reconfigured to include the tortilla - imagine that, from a fast-food chain.
The dismal part, though, is that this fantasy or willful suspension of disbelief cascades through every corridor of the eating experience. One could expect something like this to catch on at cheap and undiscriminating fast-food restaurants. But even the popular family restaurants are getting a piece of the action.
This country needs to give up on this fixation and continue its inevitable decline toward the excesses of deep-fried tacos, grease-filled french fry boxes, and the crispy batter of fried chicken.
The wrap is a comfort pillow, an escape from the bestial truth that society will become a people made up of enormous fatties. It's a difficult conclusion to come to, but once one sees how much freedom there is in lard, there is no turning back.
This country cannot be purged of its evils without first embracing them. The wrap obviates this process and must be wiped off the slate. Welcome the clogged arteries and heart attacks.
Justin Boron is the government and politics reporter for the News Daily. He can be reached at (770) 478-5753 Extension 281 or at firstname.lastname@example.org