Wedding party needs a few good men - Zach Porter

This June I will be getting married in what will be a more or less traditional ceremony. But even as George W. Bush starts his second term, my liberal friends are plotting more progressive wedding day affairs.

For starters, I'm sure you've heard of the best man, but have you ever witnessed the stunning beauty of the "best woman," and her two "groomswomen?" No, I'm not talking about a gay wedding. Those novelties would only make too much sense during a same sex marriage. Is there no manly man that is man enough to fill the position of the "best man"? If your best friend, besides the one you will marry, is a woman, then you've got problems. Let's just go ahead and get that out in the open. Sure, a man can be "just friends" with a woman, but I've found that men need other men to do "man stuff" like counting the number of fireball explosions in a "Rambo" flick. Or "Terminator 2" for that matter.

Before you call me a big meat-headed brute, let me just tell you that I can't hold a decent conversation about sports with anyone. Furthermore I do not play sports or enjoy most sporting events unless I'm taking pictures for the newspaper. Nevertheless, I find plenty in common with my male friends, and plenty of reasons to maintain my friendships with them. One important reason is to discuss women and relationship issues. Likewise for women and their friends. I'm getting off task here, but anyway male bonding is important and so is having a "best man" and "groomsmen" to stand behind you for support during the big day. Besides, I wouldn't trust a woman to plan my bachelor party.

Why mess with tradition, just for the sake of messing with it? Just for inclusion in the progressive-liberal crowd? I can understand not having enough friends in your roster to fill out a wedding party, but breaking with the tradition of not seeing the wedding dress before the ceremony is just beyond the pale. Not only is it apparently acceptable now to see the dress but to help pick it out as well. What's next, trying it on and prancing around in it for good measure?

I swear I'm no chauvinist, in fact I think picking out the wedding dress is something that the bride should do with her mother, siblings, and close friends, not her man. It's something many women have been waiting for since childhood. And no, that's not to imply every woman's best laid plan is to attach themselves to a big strong man who will provide everything for them because they are weak, feeble, and uneducated. It actually seems rather brutish and assertive of the male if he were to pick the dress out for "his woman." A real man would stay home and cook dinner for his fianc?e and trust her to pick out a tasteful dress. And he would do the dishes after dinner too.

As for other superstitions like freezing the wedding cake and eating it a year later; I don't think it seems necessary. I think we will be fine as long as I don't get a notion to swish around in the wedding dress.

Zach Porter is a photographer for the News Daily. He can be reached at (770) 478-5753 or zporter@news-daily.com