Let me tell you something, so far 2005 is a filthy, stupid, ruin of a year.
For one thing, my uncle died. I learned this after spending the first day of the year bedridden with some kind of horrible cold that set in shortly after midnight, then I had to wake up to hear that news.
And I wrote another column on this topic last night, but I had to use my old computer (or should I say my older computer) because my newer computer is down due to a bad case of spyware. Well, the older computer is so old that the newer ones here at work don't understand it, so I have to retype the whole thing.
Also, I come to work and you people, all you people out there, you're just going nuts! Stop going nuts! Stop shooting each other for just one day, why don't you!
Hey, let's spin around the globe and see what other kind of good news '05 has generated so far. Well, there's that whole tsunami disaster in which entire communities have been wiped out, a supermodel lost her boyfriend but hey, they found a baby floating on a mattress.
Now let's make a stop in Iraq where our soldiers are getting blown to bits, the locals who are trying to help us are getting shot down in the street but we're still going to have those darn elections at the end of this month, right?
All right, I'm going to take a deep breath now. Ahhhhhhhh!
Well, like I wrote last night in the now useless column on my useless disk, there might be a bright side to this. I mean, with all this hideous chaos coming so early, perhaps we're just getting all of the bad out of the way up front. Maybe the rest of this year is going to be magnificent.
Maybe God will come down and set all to right and bring all us worthless sinners home. Maybe this is the first year of a new era of peace and prosperity that will last forever and ever.
Conversely, if this logic does hold true, then those of you who have had a great first three days of 2005 are bound for misery and suffering later in the year. Woe is you!
After all, there has to be some kind of balance, yes? For every evil there must be a good, or so we would like to think. Surely this isn't the beginning of a never-ending downward spiral that will suck me deeper and deeper into some soul-shattering abyss.
Things will get better from here, I insist! I demand that from my life right now! Otherwise I'm going to buy three cases of NyQuil and spend the rest of this year in a self-induced coma.
Ed Brock covers public safety and municipalities for the News Daily. He can be reached at (770) 478-5753 ext. 254 or at firstname.lastname@example.org .