The Atlanta Police Department should have choppered in police greats Capt. Martin Riggs and Insp. Harry Callahan to the crane fiasco in Buckhead. They would surely know how to coerce that fool out of the skyline.
The man's insolence, to come into the uptown Atlanta neighborhood, snarl traffic, and whine about personal problems for days straight, is unbelievable. And even worse, the ritzy Buckhead residents probably haven't been able to sip their $6 cappuccinos for days now.
It's Memorial Day, and I was thinking if he was still up there, it would be a luxuriant place for a picnic.
In climbing the 18-story crane in Buckhead, the man identified by police as Carl Edward Roland took on the qualities of the posh residents below. He's got a captive audience, droves of police servants, and overlooks a kingdom of riches.
Why not use them to his advantage?
The precinct of police officers coaxing him down could obviously be his butlers and maids. So as I dangled my legs over the high-end shopping malls and trendy restaurants, I'd at least make some decent demands.
"Officer, I'll jump and take you with me." I'd say. "Now please get me a Gameboy Advance from the Best Buy down the street. While you're at it, throw in an iPod and a camera phone. I'll need some music to keep me awake through the night, and in addition to some phone calls I need to make, I'd like to document the moment with a photograph."
"Excuse me captain, I'm feeling a bit peckish, run over to the Atlanta Fish Market and pick me up a shrimp cocktail, extra horseradish."
Roland had the world up there and all he could do is lean into the bars observing the buildings and birds flying overhead. Pathetic.
He also was not a very popular king in Buckhead because of all the inconveniences he's caused. Roland needs to start calling down drink orders to the bars. Buying rounds for the house would certainly go over much better than backing up traffic for days. Why not send waitresses out to the people lined up in traffic to take their drink orders?
Just put it on A.P.D.'s tab.
If you're going to go down for murder, spare no expense before you get down. Live it up before you get taken out by a sniper and thrown into steel cage for the rest of your life.
Justin Boron is the government reporter for the News Daily. His column appears Monday. He can be reached at 770-478-5753 or firstname.lastname@example.org .