Don't tell anyone, but I'm gonna get rich from the Internet.
It seems simple enough... so much so that I can't understand why no one else is doing it. No matter, that's their loss.
The beauty of this whole plan is that it won't cost me a penny. I don't mind sharing the details, because it seems to me there's an unlimited supply of customers on our global network. We can all become gazillionaires.
All I have to do is help out one of these poor ex-diplomats fleeing oppression from [insert despotic African regime here] who seems to have access to millions of dollars. All I have to do is help them free up their millions and I will get a cut.
Here's the beauty of the plan, I don't even have to put up the [insert amount of U.S. dollars here] required to increase it tenfold.
Apparently, I am also a winner in some obscure lotteries taking place around the world.
So there's my down-payment for the bank account to funnel over millions of dollars rescued from the despots.
Of course, I am a realist, and I know the lottery is not exactly a sure thing. So, I have Plan B: I can become a viagra/cialis reseller and whip up $10,000 in 60 days or so. In fact, I could probably double that amount if I was to also resell bulk quantities of other prescription drugs.
And, in case that falls through, apparently there's an overwhelming market for cheap inkjet cartridges, that I am sure could back my more hopeful financial windfall plans.
In fact, there seem to be so many opportunities to get richer quicker, it would be easy to get distracted. I think it is important that I stay focused, or I could lose sight of the despotic millions.
I haven't figured out what to do yet with the fortune coming my way, but, again the Internet comes to my rescue.
It seems I also get many offers of free vacations to all sorts of great places. There are a lot of offers for weekends at the beach or the casino or on the golf course, and I figure it would be a great opportunity to scope out good properties to buy after I help the ex-diplomat. The vacations primarily seem to be centered around Disney World or the beach in Florida, and I am sure my Internet riches will easily afford me the ability to buy some nice beach-front property.
I am not sure how these vacation brokers have discerned that I am on the Internet financial fast-track, but I appreciate their offers of quality leisure time. It seems too good to be true, but all they want to do is have 90 minutes of my time at the end of the weekend... which seems a small price to pay.
The Internet even holds out the promise of eternal bliss after I make my millions and buy beach-front property. There are, apparently intelligent, successful, professional women all over the globe who are dying to meet me. I am sure that if they already know I am the perfect man for them, they would love to spend some relaxing time at the beach with an Internet millionaire.
It's just mind-boggling how much further the Internet has moved us toward a more utopian society. E-mail alone, which began as a novel and cool way to communicate with other savvy friends, has transformed the entire way our society communicates, does business and has relationships. Imagine trying to survive without e-mail and/or a cell phone... it would be like the Dark Ages, but with cable TV.
How did people manage to get anything done back in the old days?
Gerry Yandel is the city editor for the Daily Herald. He can be reached at (770) 957-9161 or firstname.lastname@example.org .