“Some people have a foolish way of not minding, or pretending not to mind, what they eat. For my part, I mind my belly very studiously, and very carefully; for I look upon it, that he who does not mind his belly, will hardly mind anything else.” - Samuel Johnson
It's time to stuff your face, and at this time of year you're allowed to feel good about it.
The holiday season is a good time for that person in your office that comes in every morning with a bear claw or honeybun hanging from his or her mouth. It's a good time for the commuter who can't resist a McDonald's McGriddle on the way to work. And there isn't a better time to be caught walking from the buffet line with a mountain of food balanced on your plate.
From now until January, you can really eat like a pig and just chalk it up to the holiday menu.
Unfortunately for these people, the tide has turned against them the rest of the year. Nazi health nuts, scientists, and television commercials are constantly harassing them for how they eat.
Before healthnuts decided to wage their war on the American diet, it was Christmas 12 months a year - hams, steaks, turkeys and fried food everyday.
But the heyday of gluttony is truly gone.
They've turned once proud big-eaters into humiliated shells of their former selves. No more can I eat bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit without having to answer to Tony Little and his blasted Gazelle.
Years ago, they even let Cecil Fielder play Major League Baseball. Nevermind, his gambling problem. It was the health craze that sent him into hiding.
Former President Bill Clinton has even appeared to surrender to healthy eating. He was the last hero for many. His days of Big Macs and near heart attacks gave us all something to strive for - hope that this lifestyle centuries in the making would continue to prevail.
Dr. Samuel Johnson put healthy eating at its best when he said, “It has been a common saying of physicians in England, that a cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.”
For generations, Johnson's thoughts remained elevated in the American consciousness.
Then, there was Clinton's surgery, and the plane, for all intents and purposes, hit the mountain.
When Clinton said he still had cravings for fried foods recently, it gave me a glimmer of hope.
But it was too little too late.
The only thing that could catapult unhealthy eating back to its former stature would be a new sport or form of entertainment that accommodated those with a penchant for Wendy's double-stacks and high cholesterol.
Until then, we will have to hide our fried chicken in healthy looking tortillas, wraps, pitas, and salads.
Justin Boron is the government reporter for the News Daily. His column appears Monday. He can be reached at 770-478-5753 x 281 or firstname.lastname@example.org .