Did you see the one about the snake and the alligator?
Yep, it was an epic struggle for dominance in the fragile Florida wetlands eco-system. Pitting reptile against reptile, fang to fang.
In one corner, you have in the green trunks, coming in at 12 feet 6 inches, with jaws of rubber and a heart of stone, able to swallow a Volkswagen in a single gulp, (he doesn't let not having arms stop him), the bone-crushing, the neck snapping, Python the Terrible!
And in this corner, in the (other) green trunks, measuring 6 feet and weighing an extraordinary 400 pounds, with razor sharp teeth, four feet and a tail that tastes good on a plate with both soy sauce and ketchup, the intimidating, the belly-crawling, able to hold his breath for two days and take the head off a deer, Alligator the Horrible!
It was a match made in the swamp. The two competitors, reportedly, came after each other with the zeal and gusto of Godzilla versus Mothra. I'm sure there was thrashing, flailing, and probably some hissing and booing. The fight was to the death. The prize? The title: King of the Swamp.
The python, yes, a Burmese Python, was horning in on the alligator's territory, vying for scraps and crumbs in the food chain of the Everglades. When the two came together, it was already sure to become a fight that went down in the annals of history. Like Napoleon at Waterloo, or Custer at Little Big Horn.
Or the Swiffer under my bed.
It was a struggle that would to end in disappointment, and possibly embarrassment for someone, and a full belly for the victor. In the wild, its eat or be eaten.
And yes, it was to the death. But this time, both of them died.
I don't know if you saw the video, it wouldn't pass the breakfast test, but the alligator and the python got the best of each other. It wasn't clear if the alligator was still alive and kicking as it went down, or whether it was dead already and, because of a natural expansion, simply outsized the narrow but flexible serpent.
But it was clear that some fights are better left unfought. The David and Goliath story doesn't always play out in the small fry's favor, does it? And sometimes, the little guy can bite off a little more than he can chew.
The wild thing is, it's not often the eatee gets the better of its eater, except in the case of the chili cook-off or the lasagna dinner.
Talk about eating something that just doesn't agree with you. Maybe the python should've taken an antacid.
Michael Davis covers government for the Daily Herald. His column appears on Fridays. He can be reached at (770) 957-9161 or via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org .