Oh America, why so unhappy - Curt Yeomans

The United States is only No. 16 in the world -- out of 97 nations -- when it comes to happiness, according to the New World Values Survey.

Pardon the pun folks, but that's just sad.

Denmark ranked numero uno in terms of national happiness. Denmark -- the country that gave the world Great Danes and Danish pastries. Yay, Denmark! I guess someone told the Danes to imagine a Great Dane eating a danish.

Wait a minute. The people of Denmark are called Danes, and the dog is called the "Great Dane." Are they saying they are all dogs and that the canine is the greatest of them all? Or, are they saying Danes in general are not that impressive and a dog is the greatest living thing in the country?

How can we make the United State happier, so we can be more like the Danes?

I have a few suggestions on how more Americans can be happier.

First, I recommend a new federal law should be passed which requires all Americans to wear foam, smiley faces over our heads. Nothing says "HAPPY!" like that classic image of pleasure which was created in the 1960s and became popular in the 1970s. Of course, a pair of eyes would be cut out so people would not trip over everything. Although, people in foam, smiley-face heads tripping over furniture would be pretty funny.

Second, I recommend every place of employment should hire a clown to keep up employee morale throughout the day. Remember the old Bozo the Clown television show that ran on WGN, the Chicago-based superstation for many years? I also think a lot more people would be happy at work, if they got to play the "Grand Prize Game," where you keep throwing ping pong balls into a line of buckets until you miss a hole.

Third, more workplaces need a tropical island theme. Truck in some sand, a few hula dancers, a couple of palm trees, a tiki hut and a lot more people are going to be happy employees.

Fourth, adults need to engage in frequent -- nope, I'm not going to go there. You'll have to insert your own phrase, such as "grocery shopping," "yard work," or "swimming pool visits."

Fifth, it should be mandatory that all Americans own a punching bag. This way, people have something on which to take out their unhappiness. This would give people more time to be happy.

We should spend more time trying to be happy, because a life of unhappiness gets us nowhere except to a lonely bed every night. I think if we implement the five recommendations I just made, the U.S. will quickly rise to become the happiest country in the world.


Curt Yeomans covers education for the Clayton News Daily. He can be reached at (770) 478-5753, ext. 247 or via e-mail at cyeomans@news-daily.com.