Yo ho, yo ho, it's not a pirate's life for me.
There's been a lot of talk about pirates lately because of the recent high seas adventures of our modern-day Long John Silvers and Blackbeards. But, these pirates are not like Johnny Depp, or Orlando Bloom. These guys are more like the guy with the wooden eye, although I have no clue if they are as witty as he is.
Remember the pirates in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie? This is nothing like that at all.
See, I don't get it. We're letting them shoot rockets at U.S. ships, and threaten to capture and kill Americans. Whatever happened to the good old days, like when we gave the Barbary Pirates a beat down in early 19th Century Tripoli?
I'm sure it will come at some point, but listen to Nike's advice and just do it already.
It's actually hilarious to see how much the media has latched onto this pirate story. One media outlet now has a pirate logo, which is just like the logo for a hurricane in that it's a flag flying in front of a storm cloud. However, the red flag with a black box in the middle has been replaced with a black flag bearing a skull and crossbones.
I love TV media. They make fantastically silly graphics for everything.
A former co-worker of mine was the first person to tell me about the pirates taking over ships and holding crew members hostage.
Last September, he found an article in The New York Times where "pirates spokesman" Sugule Ali explained why a group of pirates hijacked a Ukrainian freighter off the coast of Kenya. According to the article, Ali spent 45 minutes explaining to reporter Jeffrey Gettleman that people should "think of us like a coast guard" which wants money and "to stop illegal fishing and dumping in our waters."
Afterward, all my former co-worker could talk about for a brief period was how much he wanted to leave the newspaper business so he could become a pirate spokesman.
To be honest, while there may be some humor in the pirate situation, we shouldn't glamorize this. If these individuals have decided to do harm to us, then they are no different from any other terrorist group - groups which we do not treat like some curious oddity.
In the end, these pirates are criminals. They want to attack Americans, and kill as many as they can.
Yet, they are still treated as if they were a group of Johnny Depps.
Curt Yeomans covers education for the Clayton News Daily. He can be reached via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.