My iPod says I'm too fat.
Well, "overweight" was the exact word used by one of the applications on my little piece of technological heaven.
And even though the iPod doesn't say it, I know I spend too much money as well. Need proof of this? In 2009, I spent nearly $200 on an iPod that tells me I'm too fat.
Perhaps, it's time I make some New Year's resolutions for the first time since President Bill Clinton was still occupying the White House.
I don't normally make New Year's resolutions anymore, because, quite honestly, I don't keep them for more than one day. It's kind of like my approach to Lent. I'd say, "Oh, I am giving up soda for Lent," and then I'd be chugging a Dr. Pepper a week after Ash Wednesday.
Promises of change do not normally work out for me, but I want to throw caution to the wind this year. I'm going with a theme that "Less is More" this year.
I'm resolving to lose, oh, lets say at least 50 to 60 pounds this year. Considering the fact that my bathroom scale has almost run out of numbers to go up to when I step on it, I think it's time for a change in my diet and physical fitness.
I'm also resolving to spend less money. I should be saving money, not spending it, left and right. Besides, I may need the extra bucks when the gas prices surge toward $3 to $4 this year. Oh, come on, you know it's going to happen again. It's only a matter of time.
In all actuality, I need to spend less, so I can save up for my trip to Italy in April. That means lots of Ramen noodles and discount-priced cans of Chef Boyardee pasta for the next few months.
Actually, the two resolutions go hand-in-hand. Most of my money is spent on fast food, which returns the favor by making me fat. I think the late night drive-thru attendant at one Jonesboro fast food restaurant has figured out roughly what time to expect me to come by for a meal.
If we are what we eat, then I'm a Double-Quarter Pounder (with Cheese!), a side of French fries, and a Sprite to drink.
To make things simple for everyone, cutting the spending, equals cutting the fat, which equals losing some of the weight.
There is a note of irony, though, that fast food companies raise prices, for whatever reason, and it may be those higher prices that ultimately drive away the customers.
Some of you fast-food burger joints have been on my frowning-face list for some time, because it costs nearly $10 to buy your value meals. One of you also sells burgers that taste like cigarette ashes.
By the way, if I have to just about take out a small loan to afford it, then, it is not a value meal, or even an "extra" value meal. It is just a sack of high-priced calories and cholesterol.
So, we'll see how long I stick to my resolutions. Hopefully, I won't be back to my old ways by Saturday.
And, with a little luck, my iPod will be telling me I'm thin a year from now.
Curt Yeomans covers education for the Clayton News Daily. He can be reached at (770) 478-5753, ext. 247, or via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.