I am a killer, and I need to be stopped before I end another life.
I recently snuffed out young lives before they even had a chance to begin. If they hadn't been entrusted in my hands, they likely would have grown up to be healthy, strapping ... four-leaf clovers.
I killed 10 seeds for four-leaf clovers - a symbol, like the shamrock, of my Irish heritage - while they were still trying to germinate.
I am a plant killer. Plants, at least in my mind, represent spring, which begins today. Therefore, my actions mean I murdered spring!
I guess, since it was four-leaf clovers that I killed, I have also brought shame to my Irish-American heritage. There are McGrattys, McDermotts, McInerneys, Minogues, and Mannixes in heaven right now, shaking their heads, and saying, "That boy ain't right!"
And, I received insult on top of injury.
Not only did I murder spring, but someone stole the pot in which I was trying to grow the clovers. Who needed a tiny flower pot bad enough that they would steal it? You can't use it for much because it's just the starter pot.
Once anything you want to grow gets big enough to be considered a baby plant, you have to move it to a bigger pot, or into the ground.
See, I have never been good at planting. In fact, I can't remember a single occasion where I was able to successfully grow any plant from a seed. I haven't even had much luck when I'm growing something from a plant I bought at a garden center.
Flowers - dead.
Edible plants - deader.
Basically, I am the Grim Reaper of the garden. There is, however, one exception to that rule.
I was able to successfully grow a citronella plant when I was 18. Of course, if you know anything about citronella plants, you understand that it basically takes a weed wacker and a shovel to kill a citronella plant.
That plant grew, but it grew fast ... like a weed, actually. It kinda looked like a weed, too.
At least mosquitos stayed away from the area where I was growing that plant, since they dislike the scent of citronella.
But, you have to be the world's worst gardener, or intentionally out to commit murder, to kill a weed. So, maybe I can at least take solace that weeds are immune to my touch.
Everything else, it's game on ... or death on, I guess.
Despite my touch of death for plants, I am about to embark on a new venture. I am going to try my luck with some bamboo flowers. They are pre-germinated, so all I have to do is put them in water, according to the directions.
I don't think they are meant to be planted, but then again, they come with roots.
I dunno, we'll see how it works. My backyard may end up looking like a panda bear habitat.
I'll probably screw it up, though. It just seems like that's how it always works out.
So, let me make this clear. If you need something potted, and grown, please ask someone else to do it for you.
You do not want me to turn your garden into a crime scene.
Curt Yeomans covers education for the Clayton News Daily. He can be reached at (770) 478-5753, ext. 247, or via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.