You know how some people rent out their homes to visiting tourists, whether it be a beach house or a townhouse in the city?
Those people have got to feel pretty comfortable about themselves to do that.
Think about it. You’re opening your home to a total stranger and they will be looking at your furnishings for their entire stay. That includes all of those items you’ve collected to satisfy some of your strange, underground interests.
All of those statues of midgets standing on top of other midgets that you have in your bedroom? Oh yeah, they’ll see that — and then they’ll wonder if they’ve rented a home in Munchkinland.
It really begs one big question: If we rented our homes to foreign tourists, what would our homes reveal about us?
Personally, they’d find out I’m something of an eclectic person. They’d learn I have a thing for lighthouses and I’m into photography, replicas of old Monaco car racing posters and ancient Greek and Roman statues. They would figure out I’m a journalist from seeing my college diploma and several journalism awards hanging on a wall.
They’d probably say “Who is this freak?” I’m not even sure there’s a way to tie all of those things together in a one-word description. They are just so random and seemingly unrelated to one another.
It could be worse, however. Far worse, in fact. A friend of mine in college had — how should I say this gently — a miniature lair set up in a spare bedroom of his house. Not surprisingly, no one ever liked going near that room. It was a little scary.
You can only imagine what it would be like if he ever rented out his home to tourists. They open the door to that room without and warning and it’s like, “WOAH! We totally weren’t expecting THAT!”
Compared to that, lighthouses and replicas of old racing posters isn’t so bad.
Imagine what it would be like to rent Charlton Hestin’s home before he died. You have to wonder if there was a room with all kinds of guns hanging all over the walls, with a Planet of the Apes ape-skin rug on the floor.
Poor Cornelius, he never stood a chance.
If they stayed in Lindsay Lohan’s home, they’d probably find empty martini glasses all over the floor and kitchen counters — and around the edge of the bathtub — and above the washer and dryer — and on the floor around the toilet.
Stay at Charlie Sheen’s place and you’ll finally find out what “Winning” actually is, looks like, etc.
I think by now you get the idea.
So, my question for all of you readers out there is what would your home reveal about you to tourists?
Curt Yeomans covers government for the Clayton News Daily. He can be reached at (770) 478-5753, ext. 247 or via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.