Curt Yeomans covers government for the Clayton News Daily. He can be reached at via e-mail at email@example.com.
I have said all that I can say about London.
Oh, wait that sounds like I’m holding back some secret stories. That’s not the case, unless you want to hear about the laughable excuse of a toilet in the hotel I stayed in.
Let me try this again.
This is where I clear my throat before speaking, by the way.
I have done the unthinkable and run out of things to say — about London.
You knew this was going to happen. The trip was two months ago. I’ve written about London almost every week since I got back.
Let’s face it, people. There is not much left that can be interesting about the trip. Had I gone to an impromptu Blur concert with the queen, I would have had another London column in me. But, that didn’t happen and that is a true shame because I bet she could really rock out to the song, “Parklife.”
So, it’s time to move on and start thinking about where I’ll go next.
I won’t keep you in suspense. It’s Amsterdam and Brussels in the spring.
Let’s start with the weirdness and heavenliness of Brussels.
Apparently there is also an old and very popular water fountain in Brussels that is sculpted to look like a very young, naked boy — doing something that some consider obscene.
I can’t say exactly what he’s doing because this is a family newspaper. And, yes, the water does come out of the statue of the boy.
At least the locals have the good sense to put a different outfit on the statue every day. Huge crowds gather just to see what he’ll be wearing that particular day.
There are some other things to see in Brussels, including the Belgian Comic Strip Center (i.e. the Belgian comic book hall of fame museum) and the Museum of Cocoa and Chocolate.
Yup, I know all of you suddenly got weak in the knees when you read there was an entire museum devoted to Belgian chocolates. Guess what? Local tour companies also give walking chocolate tours of Brussels with — oh my God — free tastings in chocolate boutiques.
But, let’s be honest here. Chocolate, comic books and obscene statues of children is all Brussels has that appeal to me so far. Then again, who honestly needs anything more than chocolate to satisfy themselves?
Anyway, enough about Brussels. I want to see the canals and tulips in Amsterdam too!
Amsterdam really appeals to me, and no it’s not because of the Red Light District where the scantily clad women pose for potential clientele in window booths. No, it’s not the park where everyone can gather and legally do drugs that appeals to me either.
It has the canals. It has many canals to be exact. The canals are part of what makes Amsterdam so interesting because they make for such picturesque views of the city. I’ve considered staying in a hotel where all of the rooms are actually boats on one of the canals.
The city also has the Anne Frank House, and that appeals to me because I’m a big history nut. It not only focuses on the horrific story of what happened to Anne’s family. It deals with oppression of many different ethnic and religious groups around the world.
One of the big attractions about Amsterdam for me, however, is that fact that I can go on a nearby day trip where I can ride a bicycle past the colorful tulips and windmills.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I must be out of my mind if I’m eagerly looking forward to seeing tulips and windmills.
Let me tell you something, though. They make a big production when the tulips go into bloom in the spring, which is when I plan to be there. They hold a big tulip festival, complete with many, many parades to celebrate the blooming of the tulips.
Think of it as the Geranium Festival meets Mardi Gras — except no one is flashing his, or her, body parts in public, as far as I know.
Actually, you can go on tours of a Heineken museum, which I gather is a lot like the Guinness Storehouse museum at St. James’ Gate, in Dublin, Ireland. That means free Heineken samples. Woo Hoo!
Maybe the locals do get a little freaky at the tulip festival after all.
Curt Yeomans covers government for the Clayton News Daily. He can be reached at (770) 478-5753, ext. 247 or via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.